I swore I'd never do this. So why am I here? Is it arrogance for me to write down my own thoughts for the world to read? Why would anyone else care at all about what I have to say? If it is arrogance, how does it reconcile itself with my lack of self-esteem? Am I here for the anonymity? A chance to fart in the crowd without anyone knowing it was me, simply because they're all too busy farting themselves? But, why can't I just fart on my own?
Can a blog ever be more than a masturbatory display? Am I writing here because part of me gets some cheap voyeuristic thrill, thinking that someone might stumble upon this one late, lonely night and waste some of their life reading...this?
I used to write in a journal, small, black, hardcover with unlined pages. I carried it with me everywhere in an old German Army Haversack, with an assortment of pens and pencils. Whenever I felt like I was wasting time: sitting on the bus, waiting for classes to start, or just plain bored, I would write. It was easy to pick up, easy to put down, inobtrusive to use, easy to burn when full. This here? This is none of those things. This requires effort, and removes me from the environment that I used to write about.
Blogging seems to be about me writing about my account of things as told to me by my memory and opinion. Blogging is about writing for an audience.
Why do I need an audience?
